One of the sacred tenets of Pat’s moral code was that it’s unacceptable to let a hangover interfere with one’s duties and commitments.

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He was one of those rare individuals who can’t be bought at any price. Although he had no quals about making a boatload of money if it happened to mesh with his master plan, Pat was impervious to greed. His belief that other things in life too priority over amassing wealth never faltered. But if Tillman was uncommonly resistant to the temptations of the baser human appetites, and was thereby well defended against attempts by others to manipulate him into doing their bidding with such enticements, he found it nearly impossible to resist appeals to his sense of decency and justice. Paradoxically, this latter trait would ultimately prove to be his downfall.

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My job is challenging, enjoyable, and strokes my vanity enough to fool me into thinking it’s important.

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My moods at this point, with the exception of constant loneliness & guilt associated with my separation from Marie, vary depending on how I’m doing at my tasks. Blow the land navigation, feel bad for a few hours; do something to help someone or get my marching calls correctly, feel good for a few hours.

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I’m somewhat put off by the lack of letters from my friends at home… No question I am overly sensitive, but… It’s funny, these last 6-7 years I’ve noticed some of my close friends putting governors on our relationship. In most cases it is I who calls, I who sets up dinner, I who makes the effort. Why this is the case is not exactly clear… I care about my friends openly and unselfishly and–though I realize I’m sounding like a woman–am bothered by their apparent lack of interest.

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Kevin and I are forced to yell and swear as opposed to recommend and suggest… Perhaps I’m not as good a leader as I think.

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Everything has to do with time in battalion, time of rank–no comment on ability, aptitude, skill… I bring up “rule break” only because I want someone to do this for us. Realize we are not normal privates, break the fucking rules, and put us in a position to add value. Fuck this place.

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Are you the new guy in Second Platoon? My name is Pat Tillman. Relax, this stuff will pass. It’ll be over soon. Nice to meet you.

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• Check for ceiling fans
• Check for lights tied to switches
• Check ceiling height
• Note that carpet, while desirable, may be worse than hardwood + rug because of previous tenant’s dirt
• Check for pull-up bar readiness
• See during day, specifically to understand natural light

Mercy was just a word. I never thought I needed it. Not as much as other people do.

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I revolted against goodness. Thought it had deceived me. Thought I could do better than others. Didn’t need what made life sweet for them. I’m not who I thought I was. Am I a good person? Even want to be? Or just seem like one so people will like me?

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HERE

“When you are in pain you have to stay in the pain to see what it has to teach you.”
“In those moments of pain you can either be broken or broken open. To be broken you get calloused over. To be broken open, you make yourself even more vulnerable even though it’s a hard time.”

A period of rupture and repair is how people grow.

 

willing to bear the child of a man who uses one of those plastic ball throwers to play fetch with a dog.

I’ve always laughed at the claim that the story of Jesus is “the greatest story ever told.” Have these people not read Harry Potter? Shakespeare? Dostoevsky? Seen literally any of the great films from the past century?

But maybe this evangelist would counter that “greatest” means something like a foundation which makes all that follows possible. The Beatles and music would be one such example. So too could be the Christ story… except that Greek myths preceded Christ. And Greek myths, I’d contend, are not only more interesting, but also more helpful in offering guidance for how best to live (though I do accept that “The Parable of the Good Samaritan” is excellent and revolutionary in redefining morality). Jesus’ flawless nature is simply less relatable than gods and heroes who share our flaws.

Anyway, thought of you because of “Circe.” I think this novella is quite well-written and clever.

It was Hell, if hell is where the life we love cannot exist.

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Chronology is one method only and not the best.

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Every man assumes that what is valuable to himself must be coveted by others.

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sent me cowering inside a shed of excuses.

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I suppose it was surrender. Who is strong enough to escape their fate? Who can avoid what they must become?

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No man believes what he does not feel to be true.

(more…)

Lose an hour in the morning and you search for it all day.

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Love is thing of heart. Or love is like this sake: night of joy, yes, but in cold morning, headache, sick stomach. A man should love concubine, so when love dies he say, “Goodbye,” easy and no injury. Marriage is different: marriage is matter of head… rank… business… bloodline.

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“Twould bend company rules on private trade, aye, but the trees what survive cruel winds are those what do bend, eh, are they not?”
“A tidy metaphor does not make a wrong thing right.”

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Tain’t good intentions what paves the road to hell: it’s self-justifyin’s.

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Two hours pass at the speed of one but exhaust Jacob like four

(more…)

carry a bag (or whatever) for one person a week. Easy to do in an airport.

“right” to end sentences. More annoying than “um.”