Soon enough, the world will become loud and overwhelming. All these well-intentioned people telling you what to do and how to do it which partially sends the message that you don’t know what you are doing. And sure, there’s much to learn in youth. But also, adults can learn from you; your age provides vision behind doors adults don’t even know exist. Furthermore, you are the future, so however much adults might disapprove of Generation Alpha’s actions, those actions will indeed grow to dominate.

Therefore, I want to learn from you. But maybe you don’t want to teach. Maybe you see me as competition. Maybe for that aforementioned domination to optimally occur, it’s best to keep your insights tightly locked within your mind. Ok, ok, ok. The negotiation has already begun. Fine.

Does it gain me anything to compliment your father? What if I say he’s outstanding at living his values? It’s true. He pays attention. He finds ways to translate his political views into everyday actions such that even non-adherents find value. Like riding bikes instead of taking an Uber. Like planting trees as a gift. Like generously cooking instead of caving to capitalism’s pressures of convenience.

What if I tell you your mum is so sweet, so pleasant to be around, so quick to laugh, but also so able to express deep intelligence without coming across as better than? Does that gain me anything? It does? Really? Nicceeeeeee.

(more…)

You are able to straddle two contrasting worlds in a way that reminds me of Dexter Holland in 1994. You know Dexter, the lead singer of The Offspring whose shine has faded over the years as his band gained popularity but who in 1994 was an iconic blend of two worlds not often blended: punk style and intelligence. You see punk style—be it a skater, snowboarder, or musician—with its nonchalant coolness and assume the person can’t also be smart, because, well, the person often isn’t smart. You see intelligence, and while the person may also be stellar at traditional sports and perhaps piano, you think that for God to keep things reasonably fair, that nerd can’t also possess what the skaters behind the school possess.

But God isn’t fair. And so Dexter Holland can somehow pull off dreadlocks, front a raw punk band that released the best-selling independent record ever… and be the valedictorian of his high school, earn the nickname “Dexter” because of his mathematical prowess, and go on to earn a PhD in molecular biology. While your bio is not as well-known to me, a single snowboard run alongside you is enough to prove your skate-style, and a single conversation is enough to prove you may already have a PhD (but are too cool to mention it).

So here are two things I’m quite confident you (or Dexter for that matter) will enjoy.

1. Respect uncertainty
   • Nobody knows instead of a personal statement like I don’t know
   • Everything is there to be found out
2. Notice three new things
   • Multiple answers to any question
   • New stuff in your surroundings
3. When learning, avoid absolutes. Learn conditionally
   • Not is, could be, would be, possibly, it would seem that, might be
   • This shifts opens you to possibilities unavailable in absolutes

Tragedy or inconvenience?

Most stress is about things that never occur.

I’m capable of a better outcome.
I’m not capable of a better effort.

My most hated villain ever.

Nice quote: “We’re only as sick as our secrets.”

Benefit of the doubt is an important concept to learn as a kid. Reputation, perhaps more than facts, drives outcomes in applications and justice. For this reason, one should really try to avoiding screwing up in ways that will taint a reputation.

that just as someone could be “not boyfriend material” because he’s not adult enough, someone could be “not hookup material” because he’s too adult, and thus likely to entail certain emotional commitments that are deemed too costly for such a short-term encounter.

Add it to things worth avoiding.

Subtract it from things worth doing.

HERE

I’ve been granted the God-like power to issue commandments. And similar to normal deities, these commandments are nothing more than strong suggestions carrying a special weight of importance. If my commandment is too obvious — Thou shall not kill — I’ve squandered an incredible opportunity. Even if I declare something less obvious — Thou shall sleep eight hours per night — I’m not helping much since lack of information isn’t the reason you’re sleep deprived. So it is, really, with most matters: the challenge comes not in the form of missing information, but rather the difficulty of actually following through on what you already know you should do. Plus, I’m God-like (at least in this respect), so I ought to find something peculiarly wise.

THOU SHALL NOT DEMEAN THYSELF

FOR HAVING ATTENDED xxxxxxxxx

(more…)

People who claim, “I don’t care what others think” are either liars or psychopaths. For better or worse, status matters. People who claim, “I know exactly what I want for me” are either liars or live in an isolated cave. For all non-cave dwellers, the unending influence of people, adverts, media, art, etc. means it’s quite impossible to totally disentangle your unadulterated desires from socially-conditioned desires.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t partially disentangle the two. And even partial understanding meaningfully enhances self-awareness. Consider possessing zero self-awareness. Instead of having some idea about what you really want, you are solely guided by what society says you should want. All the times when your mysterious true desires fail to overlap with socially-conditioned ones, you may well “achieve” … and still be empty.  Because if you attain things the deep-down-unique-you didn’t truly covet, there’s a profound disconnect which shows remarkable concentricity with emptiness.

So we might as well try to get that partial understanding, right? Right. But how? Well, if you grew up in that cave, you would only have unadulterated desires. Of course this wasn’t your upbringing (thankfully), but we can extract a framework from the hypothetical: imagine what you would do if you couldn’t tell anyone what you did? It works both in your imagination and in practice. Like, go to a concert by yourself, snap zero pictures, and tell nobody you attended. Little dips into this practice can yield rapid insights. Oh shit, I don’t really like this band. Rather, I like being able to tell people I saw a band that’s considered “cool” which, by association, enhances my “coolness.” And, again, this may not be a bad thing! Status confers many benefits! But status doesn’t mean happiness, and so upgraded enlightenment can help better prioritize actions going forward. You may still rank, say, female attractiveness just as highly, but you’ll be doing so from a position of greater self-awareness where you can more confidently declare that I want this for me.