You are great. You are thoughtful, kind, cool, and fun. I will miss you. I feel I also possess some other insights about you given the time we’ve shared together. If you want to hear them, continue below. If not, that’s fine too.

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What you have is not a moral failing. You might not believe this. In fact, I think, given your remarkable level of shame, you resist accepting what now seems so obvious to me. Take your parents’ recent visit as an illustrative example of why blame strikes me as so misplaced. If there ever was a time when you’d want to be in top form, xxxxxxxxx visiting would be the time, right? You hate to worry your parents, and if you could just hold it together for a few days, perhaps they would return home with a little less concern. You are a thoughtful person! Instead, you were helpless to stop that which you surely didn’t want to have happen. But of course: it’s a disease, not a matter of personal will, and so just as a cancer patient can’t be expected to stop negative cell growth and division, you can’t be expected to be in “top form” simply because you hope to please your parents – diseases of this sort aren’t a matter of positive intentions.

I get that I, your parents, and society have often failed to properly convey the idea that “it’s not your fault.” Especially when I was clueless as to what was happening, I know I sent both explicit and implicit messages that contradict what I’m saying now. That must not have been comfortable or helpful. I wish I had the wisdom then that I have now. What I wish more, though, is that you can see what I’m suggesting here as actual wisdom that actually applies to your situation.

Perhaps you want to fight and say it’s your fault that you got this disease – like a smoker being blameworthy for getting lung cancer. I’d protest while declaring such a disagreement largely irrelevant: what matters is how to get better. That’s where you still have agency. And that’s where I hope for an acceptance to seek serious, comprehensive help for a disease that will not bend to only your effort and goodness.

Whatever you do, you remain the same great person mentioned in the first sentence. That is constant and unchanging. Unfortunately, if you keep going as you are, I fear those who love you will only get to experience you for minimal years before this disease kills you.