a tour.

Getting to really know someone is an undeniable path toward kinship. So we ask questions and pay attention and learn. Yet, many times words are not enough; there is something to seeing rather than merely hearing. For many matters, seeing isn’t all that possible, which makes it all the more vital to seize the opportunities when it is. As in, take the house tour, the hometown tour, the mall-where-I-met-my-first-girlfriend tour. By doing this one not only better understands another, but also gains knowledge about the world that would be otherwise unobtainable. ¹

is knowing what you will regret.

For teens devoid of experience, predicting future feelings is rather challenging; highs are higher and lows are lower as a result.

With, however, wisdom and the accompanying confidence to say “I know who I am,” if you pause before making a decision, an accurate sense of what action will produce regret appears.

And just like that you have earned a remarkably robust, intelligent philosophy for a good life: anticipate regret and avoid it. 

We will notice errors in others that we, ourselves, commit. That’s OK. It’s also OK to point out these errors. What makes this practice far less OK is when the knowledge of your own similar failings is nonexistent.

Can you believe the hypocrisy?

Um, yea.

No, but seriously, this is crazy.

Dude, I know you really hate the other side, but how can you not see that your side does this same type of thing on a host of matters? Sure, be upset, but your indignation level should drop just a tad. And here’s a simple way to achieve that drop: start or end your first sentence with an acknowledgment that this hypocrisy you so loathe is not unique to your enemies. Maybe the degree is different. Maybe this thing your enemy did really is the worst thing ever. Still, your side does it too. I’m not even asking you to care about self-sins, just to see them. Because once you see them, the whole situation becomes a lot less obvious and your the-world-has-gone-insane act will be much harder to execute. In other words, you will see the world more clearly. 

is not an actual argument against the talking point. Tell me why the point is wrong, not who happens to utter it. If you resort to the latter tactic, I’ll safely assume that you can’t win on substance, that indeed [insert bad person] has discovered an uncomfortable truth.

The Dems are out to get Trump w/ this Corona stuff, AND it may be true that Corona is serious.

Anti-vaxxers are stupid, AND it was probably unwise to ever say anything is 100% safe.

AND

AND

AND

AND

We will automatically form preferences.

Bestowed with preferences, it’s hard to avoid feelings of need and want.

When captured by these desires, preferences demand specific path adherence for any chance at peace.

This need not be since preferences can take a more innocent form à la My vote is for Pizza Hut, but I’m happy wherever we go.

In the “innocent form,” which is possible in all matters (though more challenging the more consequential), it can be both true that you would likely be happier if the preference is met AND true that you will also be happy if it is not.

Question: Is this person your hero because of his views?

If the answer is no, then your worship may continue uninterrupted.

It’s a problem if my doctors, experts, or leaders reason poorly; it’s irrelevant if my entertainment icon – who I adore for his ability to entertain – thinks suboptimally.

What if it’s always there for the taking?

You want it, you get it.

It only ever feels magical because we want it to feel magical.

It only ever feels out-of-reach because, in that moment, other priorities reign.

when you are rooting for people to die.

It’s easy to delude yourself into believing you aren’t doing this, but you are.

Wanting those hypocrite protesters to cause a surge?

Wanting those idiot rally attendees to be punished?

Wanting those reckless leaders to be wrong?

Yea, stop hoping that people die.

There is seeing X.

There is also seeing X AND seeing how others see X. In this modern version of witnessing, truth is more easily obscured. Do you not like X, or is that you just don’t like the way others view X? 

There are limits to animus in clearly seeing X, even if X is loathsome, that are easily exceeded when one is reacting no longer to merely X itself, but to the people who view X differently (a.k.a. more favorably).

This excess animus is possible because responding viciously to opinions is more acceptable, more justified than when responding to an actual individual’s actual actions. Furthermore, the clarity of only seeing X as X necessarily involves understanding, which leads to some level of compassion, which blunts hatred.