just not too much.

This is how one can honestly claim, “I don’t like games in dating,” while also being turned off by the far-too-direct suitor who doesn’t “play games.”

Finding the perfect line where one shows enough “want” without coming across as “wanting” is the stuff of magic.

Some guesses as to why such a line exists:

1. For all but the most narcissistic, it’s natural to doubt oneself. Hence, it is nice to hear compliments. However, too many compliments are a bit suspicious: Doesn’t this other person know how flawed I am? Is he/she just lying?
2. There are perks to being a big fish in a small pond. So, it’s common for pleasure to be derived from liking another person slightly less than he/she likes you. There is power in this discrepancy. A too-large gap, though, indicates something in the perception of a shared reality is off and you may be settling for a très tiny fish.
3. We want what we can’t have.
4. Endless attention can be exhausting and downright uncomfortable. Plus, ceaseless unreciprocated attention shows a certain lack of awareness in the suitor, which is an unquestionably unattractive trait.

insofar as it tricks people into thinking they are getting better at talking about that which they’ve buried, that which they think, that which they feel, that which is true.

Of course, being able to speak honestly is a truly vital skill and cannot be placed in the bin of Stuff I Accept I’m Bad At if one hopes to live anything close to his best possible life.

But make no mistake, candor with a stranger (i.e., therapist) is not such a vital skill. It’s something, sure, and there are benefits that may be cultivated in the process. But the same fears of judgment and rejection that usually prevent “speaking one’s mind” are significantly reduced in interactions with strangers. Thus, you aren’t actually getting better at speaking well with people you know, just at speaking well when nothing’s really on the line.

So whenever you think I’m totally spent, I can’t do any more, you are almost certainly incorrect.

much of the inequality discussion is based on a “fixed pie” view of the world: the rich get richer by taking from the poor. It’s zero-sum, and the rich are winning. It should be no mystery then why someone, especially a vulnerable someone, would view immigrants with skepticism: there is a “fixed pie,” and the more people going for a piece means my piece will get smaller – or disappear entirely.

Shouldn’t that be a good thing? Isn’t this “voters holding leaders accountable”? This is the whole point of a democracy, right?

While not perfectly aligned, what best helps his re-election, should best help the country. Or, politics have become so divorced from reality that we need to reconsider the entire governmental system.

Life must fail, love doesn’t.

Here we are again getting fired up by the news of the day just itching to talk with someone about it. I gotta vent. And so it is that now all conversations trend toward politics.

But what if what we fully controlled (i.e., our actual lives when not reading the news) was deeply interesting? What if the incredible thing you just did, saw, pondered, earned is what you couldn’t wait to talk about? Suddenly, politics would no longer be so interesting, triggering, or consuming and our conversations would be better, would be more meaningful. When, however, our actual lives are boring…

There must be an official name for the propensity to remain disciplined until you aren’t, and then upon that slight discipline slip throw away ALL discipline, as if degrees don’t matter.

Well, now that I’ve had one doughnut, I might as well eat all 12. 

But I gain so much pleasure from [x].

So?

So, are you saying I don’t get to do [x] anymore? 

Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. 

—

If things are radically wrong, radical changes are required. Stop expecting this to be pleasant.

In the midst of a terrible moment, “better” seems a hopeless, foolish wish; the temperature will rise forever and always. Of course, that’s not how anything works. Ebbs do follow flows, even if the change arrives not nearly soon enough.

The end of Trump, whenever it comes, will not magically wash away all tensions. I do think, though, it will subdue one terrifically corrosive element of the culture whereby you see someone with a MAGA sign or hat and conclude the is awful. Accurate or not, this clearly is not an ideal reaction if one cares about both community and individual well-being. To be sure, going forward there will be other markers that trigger negative responses, but I struggle to see any of them surpassing Trump. I have this faith because it’s tough to imagine a more divisive figure than Trump. If that prediction is true, whenever future triggers begin, one can partially comfort himself by recalling that this current thing can’t possibly be more incendiary than Trump. I may not like this thing you support, but at least it’s not Trump.