How many people here witnessed xxxxxxxxx in a state where she was clearly struggling?

And how many here were then angry, sad, scared, confused, annoyed, frustrated?

I certainly was all of those things at some point during the past four years when she was my roommate. Over time I came to view her situation as akin to cancer: she wasn’t actively choosing in any meaningful sense to struggle. She had a disease and it was with her on both good days and bad.

While this realization didn’t erase the negative feelings, it did imbue the positive ones with more meaning because while it’s certainly nice when a man with a closet of shirts gives you the shirt off his back, it means something else entirely when he has no other shirt.

And xxxxxxxxx indeed provided me with much to be grateful for.

It starts with the fact that she’s a great hang. I think there’s two primary reasons for this.

First, she creates an atmosphere that’s free from judgement. You might suggest a movie or an album or an activity and she may hate it. She’ll let you know. Importantly, though, how you are viewed by her is unchanged. This gives one the safety to try things with xxxxxxxxx that one would be a bit scared to try with someone else. And it’s in the open exploration of stuff that might not be cool at all that new, absolutely cool stuff is discovered.

Which leads us nicely to the other reason being around xxxxxxxxx was so enjoyable: she actually was down for anything. Many people claim this trait – “Yea, we can do whatever and I’ll be good” – only to add caveat upon caveat or complain during said activity or opt out altogether. Not xxxxxxxxx. She could have fun in small and big events alike. My how we passed time in Covid with so many small events. Scavenger hunts. Car rides. Playlists. Long walks. Making pizzas. Events that would have been boring with a lesser person. She said she would go to any concert with me … and actually did. Bands she’s never heard of. Didn’t matter. When an advertisement arrived to attend the world’s largest casino, which happened to be in Thackerville, Oklahoma, she was just as thrilled as I was. When we were searching for something to do for Memorial Day, she was game to leave our phones and watches and maps at home, drive west and see what happened. This ended up being my favorite trip of the entire year, a year where I went on 18 trips.

Just pause and remember the case I made at the beginning. Consider that she did all this while likely feeling some form of terrible. Consider how easy it would be to crawl into a hole and do nothing, to keep your last remaining shirt all to yourself. She did this sometimes, yes. But mostly, no. Consider how easy it is to lash out at others when you are feeling poorly. She did this sometimes, yes. But mostly, no.

What she also did, the trait that uniquely separates xxxxxxxxx from all the other people I know, was her incredible thoughtfulness.

Birthdays are great as a kid. You get presents and more freedom. Then you hit 21 and, well, it’s a lot less fun. Birthdays become something that only really matter if they matter to someone else. And no, your parents don’t count. So there I am for my first birthday with xxxxxxxxx and she, totally unprompted, put together a celebration. Balloons. Drawings. Gifts. I remember thinking holy hell this is one of the most thoughtful acts I’ve received. It felt nice. Fast forward two years and it was, for whatever reason, a bad time for xxxxxxxxx. I wake up on my birthday and there’s nothing. Yes, selfishly, I wanted there to be something. But hey, how am I thinking about myself?!?! How could I expect anything from someone suffering so much ?!??! I fly home later that day. xxxxxxxxx flew home the next day. It was Christmas time. I returned to Austin before she returned. And when I did, there was a crazy thoughtful celebration of my birth. Probably did it on my birthday, but just after I left for the airport. Amazing. So amazing. Even when she was touching lows, she was able to summon the energy to think about me.

All of the gratitude I felt for xxxxxxxxx then, from birthdays to casino adventures, is frozen in place and cannot be erased. Great times remain forever great regardless of this terrible outcome. I’ll remember her fondly and continue to feel fortunate to have been able to share so much time with her.